As I head back to Vietnam in a matter of weeks, I thought I’d share an email I sent home during my last trip. It encapsulates a rather humourous and slightly horrifying experience that I had that I took in stride and in good humour.
Greetings from the underworld,
I write to you from quite possibly the worst, most vile hotel that I’ve ever stayed at in Vietnam, in the most tourist infested neighbourhood that I’ve never step foot in in Da Nang in all the time that I’ve spent here; I thought I’d been to the seediest areas, and of course, they weren’t to my liking (much). But no, this has it utterly eclipsed.
Is this a moaning email? Quite the contrary. I had a wry smile come across my face as I entered my room. Actually, it probably bourgeoned when I saw an army of Gary Glitter-esque looking probable pedophiles with their tropical shirts open, displaying ungodly sized beer bellies for all to see, hobbling their fat wretched selves around the street and, for whatever reason, blasting either Willie Nelson or Kenny Rodgers. To conflate the two may be heresy, but not to the (not totally) untrained ear, it was some country and western stuff from a not too terrible, but not memorable era. Not saying Willie isn’t the GOAT, but.. the harbinger of things to come. Indeed, the music of heartbreak and disappointment certainly did act as a droll soundtrack for me as I walked up the steps.
I am quite certain there are blood stains on one of the sheets (at least there are two beds!) and as I walked in, saw this, and pointed it out to the maid, she shrugged. And I, having trudged around for a few hours in the dry heat with my bag, shrugged as well. This is it, I thought. And I laughed. This whole experience is positively Bourdainian. I started to laugh because I could him narrating my situation in my head, and thinking of all the cantankerous and off colour things he’d say that popped into my head made me chuckle.
You see, I wouldn’t have given up the ghost (and there very well be a ghost in this room with the amount of blood of the sheet) as easily as I had, nor would I had taken it in such good humour had I also not had an extraordinarily lovely final luggageless stroll around the neighbourhood of the exceptional (and exceptionally cheap, especially in comparison to this shithole) apartment I stayed in that, at this present time and for the next week or so, was an absolute anomaly to find. Everything about it was sublime, and it just so happened to be in the neighbouhood that I always gravitate back to, the one I lived in for three months, the one that I know so very well, and yet still manage to find little alleyways that turn into mazes and labyrinths that all look so similar due to being adorned with flags, both of the hammer and sickle, and of the Vietnamese national flag, proudly waving both from poles on family compounds and from banners across the wires above the lanes. And these lanes and mazes and that eventually always end in a truly authentic local market somehow.
You may recall at my heartbreak in the autumn over the absolute state of the lack of offerings the poor vendors had on display; today, however, there was everything you could imagine. The fruit, which was nearly absent in the autumn, was vibrant, with the most exotic offerings, and the vegetables which were tiny and lacked almost all palor are now bright, heart. But most heatening of all is that the signature Vietnamese spirit and sense of humour is back. People are smiling, laughter constantly ringing out, and the desperation which hung so thickly in the air back then has dissipated and has been replaced by the odd day of morning mist over the south china sea that burns off before noon over the Son Tra Peninsula.
This isn’t a traditional high season. Now, whether it’s stragglers from Tet or people who came to support rebuilding after the devastating events of the autumn… I have no idea what caused this rush, but I’ve never seen it like this during this time of year. Fortunately, bookings and prices are coming down within the next week or so. I’m thinking it’s mostly Tet stranglers or maybe there were some deals to Vietnam from Europe or Australia…. who knows. But the bookings going down so sharply, along with the prices, in the next couple of weeks is peculiar, but very welcomed.
This neighbourhood is not it. At all. Indeed, I have a saying I tell newbies to Vietnam, in particularly with regards to apartments and hotels: there’s what is and then there’s actually is; whether this is a form of false advertising and hustling or simply the eastern dogged termination of standing behind their social philosophy “saving face” isn’t my forte to wax lyrical about, or to really opine. Well, it’s hustling, but it’s almost like they also don’t truly see the disparities.
I see myself doing a lot of writing during this time, as the moment that I entered this room, nay, as I spotted those Gary Glitter skinners, it felt so Boundarianian. And Tony’s voice acted as the narration in my head for the shitshow that had befallen me. I could have freaked out, but I chose to take it in good humour, and I keep imagining his narration for various things, and it’s been quite droll.
Then I have a two day period where I have a gap between being able to be back at the apartment I loved (he gave me a deal) for two weeks, so I’m gonna head to Hue, where it’s much cheaper, and well, just cause Hue is awesome.
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